I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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