I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
