i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
