He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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