when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
