The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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