I wish I could teleport
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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