So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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