too bad you live with your parents still
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
