The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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