I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
