why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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