My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
