He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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