Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
