Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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