i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
