All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
