she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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