I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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