I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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