I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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