You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
