New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
