Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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