dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
