goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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