I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
