I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
