recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
