Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
