Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
