I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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