I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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