ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
