Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A+ Viking dick
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