Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
