woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
