Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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