It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
