I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
