Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
