How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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