just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
