You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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