But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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