Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
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I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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