I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
