is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
