I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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