I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
