dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
