you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
