you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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