never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
