My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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