I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
