wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
