ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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