My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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