Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
