i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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