she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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