This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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